Helping teens get and stay organized
A lot of kids are struggling with executive function skills. You can help.
Last week I wrote a story for the WSJ about the rise in executive function coaches.
Essentially these coaches help kids build basic organizational skills, and there are plenty of ways to interpret that—another advantage for wealthy kids; outsourcing something we used to teach and learn more organically; a fad. But that’s not why I wrote the story. I pitched and reported it because it’s so clear to me that executive function skills are essential for success in life, whatever one chooses to do. Being able to initiate a task, stick with it, and manage one’s emotions throughout is foundational for surviving in a relentlessly busy age.
An ability to get-things-done is also essential to agency, which we define as the skills and will to set a meaningful goal and marshall the resources to meet it. To meet any goal one has to start, persist, and juggle multiple demands. “Equipped with executive functioning skills, kids gain agency over their daily happenings and the longer-term trajectory of their life,” writes Ana Homayoun, author of Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admissions.
The parents in my story hired coaches. But the good news is you absolutely do not need to. Parents can 100% help their own kids develop these skills, and I explain how to do this below.
First, a Very Brief primer on executive function and how we got here. EF skills fall under three big headings:
1) working, or short-term, memory
2) inhibitory control, which involves putting urges and impulses on hold
3) cognitive flexibility, the ability to plan, reason, solve problems and manage multiple tasks.
Teachers told me that kids seem less able to do all of these than they used to be. “These skills are being lost,” one said. Psychologists told me they are doing increasing amounts of EF work with young patients, and families are asking for it.
A few things are going on:
More kids have ADHD and ASD diagnoses, which can impair EF skills
There is a rise in mental health problems (anxiety, depression), which also inhibit EF skills
Technology: a) We outsource to tech many things we used to do with our brains, , like calendar reminders so don’t develop great skills at remembering what’s coming up or noting the passage of time b) Tech itself is distracting us and fragmenting our attention
Parents and kids are less comfortable with discomfort. A disorganized kid who is flailing a bit is normal. But knowing all the demands coming at us and them, some parents seek outside help.
We also ask more of kids now than we used to, so they need more help to keep up. We ask them to organize their environment, think ahead, be flexible in their problem-solving, take in information quickly, and come up with a response in real time, which relies on processing speed. We might even ask them to do all those things simultaneously. “We’re asking kids to do things that they’re not developmentally ready to do,” says Ellen Braaten, associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School.
Meanwhile the shift from using paper planners to learning digitally has meant kids need to manage multiple passwords and various learning platforms. The precipitous decline in unstructured free time means young kids fail to develop executive function skills the way they do best: through play.
So how can parents help teens and kids through this maze?
Think about helping with organization the way you would help a younger child with math: step-by-step. Emily Bottegal, a coach I met in my reporting, shared this with me as an example of what she does with her students:
Plan the work
Go through the school portal (Canvas, Blackboard, or whatever it is) with your child to check what assignments they have coming up. Work with them to write any homework, projects, and quizzes or tests down in a physical homework tracker or agenda book. Together, estimate how long each task will take, and what they need to complete it (do they need a particular book, or watch a video?) Try to put the tasks in order.
Help them get and stay on track
If they feel there might be some missing assignments, help them draft an email to the teacher or make a plan to meet with the teacher to ask. Talk through how that conversation might go to help them feel confident having it.
Help them get started
Talk to your kid about how to get started on an assignment: writing an outline or drafting a thesis statement. Assignments can feel overwhelming. Students might feel anxious not knowing how to even begin, which can lead to avoidance. Help them see that the task is manageable. Note what stresses them out (getting started; not having time to play video games later) and figure out how to not let that emotion derail them.
Offer them tools
Skills like note-taking or adding daily life tasks to a calendar might seem obvious to you, but not to a stressed out or overwhelmed kid. Once you introduce a tool or method, practice it together, and then challenge them over the week to try it out independently. For example, you might show them how to make a mind map for biology class; then read an article and mind map it together, and then challenge them to mind map on their own.
Making and having a plan for their work is not punishment; it’s freedom. Once written down, your kids can see on paper when their free time is rather than wondering when, if ever, it will come.
Your job is to help them take the time to plan, and stick with them in the beginning when math assignments are in English folders and apples are left deep in backpacks, rotting and likely inviting a rodent army.
This all requires patience and the understanding that young kids’ brains are still developing and these abilities are just coming online. Many adults struggle with focus, attention and organization so it should not be alarming that a kid with an emerging prefrontal cortex also struggles.
There’s a reason everyone knows about the super-organized on task seventh grader, Phyllis Fagell, author of Middle School Superpowers, told me. “It’s because they are unicorns.”
Resources
The Disintegrating Student: Struggling but Smart, Falling Apart, and How to Turn It Around
By Jeannine Jannot
Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission
By Ana Homayoun
Ana is working to make these resources available to more people. She started a non-profit initiative in early 2019, developing a five-year, 90-lesson curriculum which has been piloted in public and private schools.
Adele Diamond TedTalk on Executive Function
Middle School Superpowers: Raising Resilient Tweens in Turbulent Times
By Phyllis Fagell