The one piece of advice that kept me writing through the hardest times

Keep the channel open

Emily Miller

Most writers who are honest with you will tell you that writing a book is awful. It’s lonely. Every sentence can always be better, every page differently organized, every chapter filled with grabbier examples or more compelling evidence. It’s soul sucking to put your heart into something that the world may well shrug off.

I was lucky to have Rebecca Winthrop, my co-author on The Disengaged Teen. But she was thousands of miles away and had a big job that distracted her from the neuroses that comes from thinking about creative work endlessly (she is also just less neurotic than I am). Every day I found myself battling demons (imposter syndrome), bad work habits (always collecting more information and doing more reporting rather than just writing), and the distractions of modern daily life (my coffee machine, my kids, my dog, other freelance work).

During one particularly rough patch I met with Dan Milne, a friend who also happens to be an extraordinary storyteller. I have been in many workshops with Dan and his partner Jane Nash, another gifted and warm storyteller, workshops that reached deep into my being and wrenched out its essence, ruthlessly and yet carefully.

I told Dan I was having doubts that the project was worth it. Hadn’t it all been written before? Wasn’t it obvious? Was I really adding anything? Shouldn’t I just be an accountant? Dan did not try to answer any of these questions. He assured me that the creative process is painful but also important. And singular. He shared a letter with me, sent from dance legend Martha Graham to a colleague, that I have kept in my desk drawer ever since. I read it more often than I would like to admit and so I wanted to share it with you all.

Keep the Channel Open - A letter to Agnes De Mille from Martha Graham 

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it. 

It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. 

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”

The letter kept me going in a moment where I wasn’t so sure anything that I was doing made sense. What I realised was that I was never going to be able to control the reaction to my book. But I could keep the channel open.